Helping others and my hypocrisy

I think everybody is hypocritical about at least one thing. It's unavoidable. If nothing else, I've learned one thing this week. I DO help people in need. I thought for the longest time that I would just not care. Not my business. Leave it alone. All that stuff. And maybe that is how I think, but I help anyways. Why? To answer that, I need to explain a bit about myself. As you should well know by now, I'm autistic. That fact has haunted me my whole life. In more ways then one. In this case, it was fake kindness. I've talked about this before. People befriended me because I was the autistic kid. The one with no friends. Not because they wanted to get to know me. They pitied me. It was more than that though. They wanted to look good. Think about it. How nice do you look if you befriend the autistic kid? It couldn't have less to do with being kind. It's simply selfish. That's fake kindness. Now that is out of the way, let's go back to the main question. Why do I help people? It's because I want to prove I'm different from those that showed me fake kindness. I want to prove that I can be kind for real. And that brings us to the title of this post. That hypocrisy. I'm just trying to prove I'm better than those that wronged me. That's about as selfish as it gets. So in the end, I'm no different from them. But I want to be. So I help people anyways. It's pretty hypocritical, not to mention pointless, but I don't care. Why should I? If I'm hypocritical about one thing, at least it's helping people.

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