Musings of a Poor College Student

Sometimes I wish I was born a different person. Someone normal. Without autism or ADHD. Normal. Why? Because no matter how many times your football coach told you being normal sucks, it's better than being abnormal. Being abnormal makes life harder than it already is by a Longshot. Using myself as an example. I had a hell of a childhood. I'll be the first one to say it could've been worse, but alot of the bad parts really stick with me and still hurt me to this day. Constantly marginalized and mocked and laughed at by everyone around you. Imagine a school life where it was rare for anyone to be even remotely nice to you. When they were, it was out of pity rather than actual kindness. Imagine growing up through that and life getting harder in different ways. Being unable to read body language, understand jokes or sarcasm. Hard time with empathy.  Hard time understanding emotion in general. Both yours and others'. Inability to read social situations and act accordingly. I

It's been a while yet again since I last kept up with this. Mostly I've just been lazy. The title of this post. Laziness. As is common with me, I find myself wondering who I want to be. I'm a musician now. I play in a band called Gigas and it's alot of fun. That's where I've been focusing alot of my effort, and it's been therapeutic for me much like how this blog was. But it's wrought me a ton of questions. Like whether I want to pursue music as a career. It's something I've pretty much always wanted to do. Ever since I was little. But you know. It's not something to be relied on. So my fall back is law school. Yeah that's right, me a lawyer. It's pretty nuts to think about. But is it what I really want? I find myself dating this girl. And I like her, I really do. But part of me wonders whether I should be with her. Whether I'm at my best at my worst. Weird as that may sound, I often feel it's true. That I'm most miserable