The search continues
This is sort of a continuiation of my last post. For context, please read my last post "I want something genuine".
For the remainder of this blog's existence, I shall refer to whatever I am looking for as my genuine thing. It is a covenient term for me to use and it at least gives the concept a name. That way I don't have to repeatedly say "the thing that I want".
My thoughts continue to be on this subject. The more I think about it, the more obvious it becomes that I have made little progress in my search. My problem is this. Where do I go from here? I always had a clear answer to that question in the past. Studying, then socializing, then love, so on and so forth. It occurred to me that this time is different. My longing for that genuine thing gets stronger by the day. And yet, I no longer have any idea how to look for it. The only way to look for something when you have no idea what that something is would be broad Strokes. In normal research, you can specify. Like if I'm researching alligators, I might want to go to a swamp. When looking for this genuine thing, I don't have that luxury. I have to look everywhere, not just the swamp. I have to go to the desert, the forest, the ocean, the highlands, and every other biome I can think of. But what happens when I have already looked through every biome that I know of? Should I just stop trying to actively find it and just let life happen? Im not sure that is the right answer. Doing nothing begets nothing after all. Still, is resolving to let life happen really doing nothing? Is it at all possible that I missed something in the past? Going back to the biome analogy, is it possible I just didn't search hard enough in the swamp? Or the forest? If it is something I missed, how can I go back and search more thoroughly? What stops me from just missing it again? Experience? Furthermore, what if I already found it, but didn't know? I feel that I will know when I find it, but how can I be sure? I have so many questions and no answers to speak of.
I have no idea where to go from here.
And that terrifies me.
For the remainder of this blog's existence, I shall refer to whatever I am looking for as my genuine thing. It is a covenient term for me to use and it at least gives the concept a name. That way I don't have to repeatedly say "the thing that I want".
My thoughts continue to be on this subject. The more I think about it, the more obvious it becomes that I have made little progress in my search. My problem is this. Where do I go from here? I always had a clear answer to that question in the past. Studying, then socializing, then love, so on and so forth. It occurred to me that this time is different. My longing for that genuine thing gets stronger by the day. And yet, I no longer have any idea how to look for it. The only way to look for something when you have no idea what that something is would be broad Strokes. In normal research, you can specify. Like if I'm researching alligators, I might want to go to a swamp. When looking for this genuine thing, I don't have that luxury. I have to look everywhere, not just the swamp. I have to go to the desert, the forest, the ocean, the highlands, and every other biome I can think of. But what happens when I have already looked through every biome that I know of? Should I just stop trying to actively find it and just let life happen? Im not sure that is the right answer. Doing nothing begets nothing after all. Still, is resolving to let life happen really doing nothing? Is it at all possible that I missed something in the past? Going back to the biome analogy, is it possible I just didn't search hard enough in the swamp? Or the forest? If it is something I missed, how can I go back and search more thoroughly? What stops me from just missing it again? Experience? Furthermore, what if I already found it, but didn't know? I feel that I will know when I find it, but how can I be sure? I have so many questions and no answers to speak of.
I have no idea where to go from here.
And that terrifies me.
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