The search continues part 2

This is a sister piece to my last post titled "the search continues". Please go read that for context.
Anyways, as implied by the title, I still don't know what to do. I've started focusing more on school and me time. I feel that playing a good game or watching a good anime does wonders for my mental health. I also started improving in school as a result of more intense study. These blog posts actually help me quite a bit. It basically allows me to put my thoughts in order. Despite all the good things going on right now, I feel no different from my last post on this topic. I feel more desperate to find whatever I'm missing, my genuine thing. I don't really know where to go from here. This is nothing more than what I've already done in the past. How am I to accomplish anything here? I think. I need some sort of push. Somebody or something to push me towards my goal. It's kinda silly really. I feel like I'm missing something in life, yet almost nothing could be going any better. Graded are good, friends are plentiful, hobbies are good. I'm even fixing to go get another job so I can save up for tennis lessons. I gotta get better for when I eventually get to university. Despite this, I'm still unhappy. Why am I like this? Is there something wrong with me? I seek to understand and yet, I don't really understand anything. Maybe I should just give up on my search. Maybe that really is for the best. But I'm a stubborn person. What am I missing in life? What is it I want? When will I find it? These questions may forever burn within me.

You know. I've never told anybody about this genuine thing in person. It's too embarrassing. I knew I'd have to put it on here eventually, since it is in my thoughts so often. I wonder if anybody I know sees these? I almost hope not. It would be terribly embarrassing. Although, I know nobody really reads these. The views only really account for my own rereading. Funny how that works. I'm worried other people will find out, yet I know that they probably never will. Despite the existence of these posts. Meh. Who cares anyways? It's not like they would. It just feels kinda weird to share your every thought like I do on here. But It IS therapeutic for me so who cares. If it's good for me then what's it matter?

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