Empathy and I

My relationship with empathy is complicated. I have asberger's syndrome. This means that I have an empathy problem by definition. I HAVE gotten better over time, but I still lack the empathy others seem to have in some departments. Like when there are shootings. I don't really care. It sucks sure. Loss of life is always unfortunate. But I don't really care all that much. I didn't know them so why should I? You know what I mean? Other people are more empathetic. Some even cry. I just go "oh another one 😒". "Time for another two weeks of gun control talks wherein nothing changes 😒😒".
I know it's my lack of empathy. Similar things happen when I think about issues like climate change and world hunger. It's like. What do I care? It will never effect me anyways. I have empathy problems on the minor scale too. Specifically when it comes to emotion. I try to understand in the only way I know how. Rationality and logic. Problem is we are talking emotion. It is irrational and illogical basically always. Thus I tend not to understand. Though it's not like I don't care to. I truly do try. I just fail. That causes issues all the time.
The only time I can truly empathize with someone is if I can relate their situation with myself at some level. I have to be able to relate. I've experienced a lot throughout my 19 years on this planet, so I tend to be able to on occasion at least. I'm still getting better, but I don't see how I'll ever be able to understand the emotions of others when I can't even understand my own. So I doubt I will ever truly be on the same level as others. It's part of who I am, and I'm not sure that needs to change. I am who I am. And I quite like me. Although we'd probably never be friends.

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